Otronicon 2006

If I weren't at B-Fest this weekend, chances are I'd be at the first-ever Otronicon, a ten-day blowout of video games and game-themed entertainment at the Orlando Science Center. They have a bajillion games available to play along with simulators, an exhibit of playable vintage arcade games, video game triathalons and championships, and even – be still my heart – a marathon of cheesy video game-themed movies.

If you're in the Orlando area this weekend you need to be at the OSC for Otronicon. Check out the official Otronicon site.

B-Fest 2006 Primer, part 3

The B-Fest lineup has been updated to reflect some schedule shuffling and one replacement. Two films have been moved to slots much earlier in the roster; they are Superman IV: The Quest for Peace and Godzilla (1998).

At B-Fest, the first flick of the evening is barely audible over the yelling of two-hundred-some movie geeks who have a year's worth of pent-up aggression to blow. Moving Superman IV to this slot is a good idea because, let's face it, no one cares about this movie. Christopher Reeve himself came up with the story for Superman's final film outing with Reeve in the role, wrapping a blatant nuclear disarmament message in a cut-rate superhero adventure. Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman) and Lois Lane (Margot Kidder) return, but there's precious little that can be done to save this turd of a movie. It's a pathetic finale to a once-great film franchise. So even if you've never seen Superman IV before you can enjoy the yelling, because you're not missing a thing.

Also moving up in the roster is the much-despised 1998 American version of Godzilla. Whether you know him as GINO (Godzilla in Name Only), Tri-starZilla, or that Bastard Creation by the Guys Who Made Independence Day, the monster in this movie was the source of much controversy in his day and remains such. I still enjoy portions of this film -- some of the action sequences are terrific, though the romantic plot and "humor" are detestable. Standout performances from Jean Reno and Hank Azaria aside, it was only a matter of time before this film landed at B-Fest. Godzilla was switched with King Kong, which will close the Fest on a high note.

Jumping back to where we left off in the last primer entry, Tromeo and Juliet wraps up around 6:30 in the morning, which means it's time for a short film for those folks still awake. I'm hoping for something super-weird that a portion of the audience will sleep through so we can tease them about missing it the next day.

Graffiti Bridge kicks off a modern musical block of three movies which may well crush the souls of those who prefer their b-movies in the black-and-white "golden age of sci-fi" vein. Graffiti Bridge is the Prince-starring, Prince-written, Prince-directed, Prince-scored sequel to Purple Rain that may prove the snapping point for some attendees. With Kim Basinger out of the picture (her personal relationship with Prince ended before filming began) and Madonna unwilling to fill in, one-role wonder Ingrid Chavez appears to play the muse to a pair of warring club owners (the Kid and Morris, as in Purple Rain). It feels stupid that I even have to mention this, but the movie ends with a battle of the bands.

Earth Girls Are Easy, which we covered in an earlier entry, has been moved to the slot after Graffiti Bridge.

Rounding out the modern musical triple-threat is Rhinestone, a version of Pygmalion set in the country music arena. Dolly Parton is the Henry Higgins to Sly Stallone's Eliza Doolittle; Parton must convert Stallone (seen here in obnoxious NYC cabbie mode) into an authentic country singer to win a bet. This is the first of two Bob Clark movies at B-Fest this year -- you may remember Clark's Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things or the classic A Christmas Story. Rhinestone is considered by some to be the beginning of the end of Clark's career, but I prefer to think that Clark still has good work ahead of him. (Perhaps with his remake of Children, due later this year.)

Rhinestone ends after noon, which means we're into the home stretch. All that remains between us and sweet oblivion are three little films . . . .

Cobra Woman is a last-minute substitute for Queen of Outer Space, and though it would have been nice to get another vintage sci-fi flick in here somewhere, I am really looking forward to Cobra Woman, which is unavailable on video. The Village Voice describes it this way: "Although not a musical, Cobra Woman functions as one, boasting Naja's orgiastic undulating cobra dance and the mellifluous ring of [Maria] Montez's thickly accented line delivery." If that's not enough for you, there's an angry volcano god, perennial second-banana actor Sabu (of Jungle Hell fame), and Lon Chaney Jr. With all this, Cobra Woman may well be the sleeper hit of this year's fest -- and I didn't even mention the sewing chimpanzee.

Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2: This is the second Bob Clark film in the roster, and it is a perfect B-Fest entry. If you can't find humor in talking babies accompanied by Jon Voight and Scott Baio, I must once again ask you to turn in your B-Fest ticket. Let's add the vocal stylings of boy-band "O-Town" just for fun, shall we? This B-Fest may well become known as the Day the Music Died.

B-Fest wraps up with King Kong, moved from its earlier slot into a place of more prominence. The B-Fest finale has traditionally been a giant monster movie -- ideally a Godzilla movie (GINO doesn't count, apparently), but as Godzilla prints become scarce, other monsters must do. Somehow I don't think the Big G will mind that King Kong is filling in.

It's two days before B-Fest, and I've got packing to do. I'll see you in the aisles.

Lazy Monday

YouTube is really starting to yield some gems. This one's an homage to the SNL "Lazy Sunday" short, as recreated by a couple of 11-year olds. Surprisingly faithful.

Watch "Lazy Monday."

This promo for SNL that references "Lazy Sunday" is pretty funny too.

"West Wing" cancelled

...and it's about time, too. For most of us the series died when creator-writer Aaron Sorkin left at the end of the fourth season, but the shadow-of-itself, bastardized ER-like version has limped along for an additional three seasons. The death of John Spencer and declining ratings have finally caught up with the show, which was too good for television when it began sank just to the level of tolerable storytelling at its end. I'll miss seeing the actors on a regular basis in their familiar roles, but it's been a slow, lingering farewell and I'm more than ready to let go.

From the CNN article about the cancellation:

Producers are negotiating the return of Rob Lowe, the early series star
who left because he was upset by his diminished role, for the finale.
Series creator Aaron Sorkin -- responsible for the rapid-fire style of
dialogue -- has no plans to return.

Sorkin reportedly has a new series in the making, kind of a "Sports Night meets Saturday Night Live" show. Can't wait.

Previous posts about The West Wing:

Comfort food for the eyeballs
Season Six premiere
CSI, The West Wing, and me

"Two Harbors" to play in Beverly Hills Feb 4

A few months ago I interviewed director James Vculek about his off-beat sci-fi drama Two Harbors when it played at the Austin Film Festival. The latest on the film is that it will play at the Beverly Hills Fine Arts Showcase next month. The good news, of course, is that the film is getting more screenings. The bad news, in Vculek's own words:

The bad news is that the screening is scheduled for Sunday, February 5th at 4:45pm Pacific standard time. Yes indeed, that is exactly when the Super Bowl is airing.

The screening has been moved to Saturday, February 4th! (Same time, 4:45 p.m.)

One hopes that the film's target audience won't be staring at a big-screen tube at a sports bar somewhere, but rather absorbing this amusing and sometimes touching drama about friendship and the search for extraterrestrial intelligence.

Hey James, maybe if you served beer?

Your phone is your ticket

Geekzone reports:

MobilRelay has launched Mobile Box Office in the USA, a service that enables moviegoers to use mobile phones as tickets. The company says it is the first service of its kind in the United States and it is available beginning 18 January for all shows at Emagine in Canton, Mich.

Users with a WAP-enabled (Wireless Application Protocol) mobile phone and a color screen may use Mobile Box Office to browse movie listing dates and times, select and pay for any movie. To use the service, consumers navigate to mbo.com directly on their mobile phones and follow prompts to browse and buy movie tickets.

After making a show selection and secure credit card transaction, moviegoers receive an electronic, bar-coded ticket on their mobile phones, which is scanned for entry at the theater.

This is the sort of gee-whiz technology I would love to use, though I wonder if movie theaters will actually adopt it.

B-Fest 2006 Primer, part 2

After Plan 9 wraps up and the wimpier attendees shuffle off to their sleeping bags and dorm rooms, the fun really begins. From year to year the post Plan 9 spot vacillates between the "mind-bender" movie and the Blaxploitation flick. This year it's firmly the Blaxpo slot featuring the Pam Grier classic Coffy.

As Coffy, Grier is more woman than anyone could possibly handle, which is just the way we like it: loud, sexy, and impossibly violent. Coffy's mission in life is to rid her city of drug dealers in an ongoing act of revenge for the junk-induced death of her kid sister. Along the way our heroine suffers beatings at the hands of heroin dealers and the self-imposed indignity of posing as a hooker to get close to the drug boss and pimp known as King George. There's not much more to it than that, except for the fact that writer/director Jack Hill (the most recognizable name after Roger Corman when it comes to exploitation auteurs) convinced Grier to do a number of her scenes without her top. This one will definitely keep people awake.

Recommended snack food: Coffee. Duh! Or coffee ice cream, if you're not man enough to handle Coffy.

Gas-s-s-s! This is the traditional B-Fest mind-bender for 2006, though from the looks of things (I haven't seen it myself) it won't provide nearly the pain of previous brain-erasing entries like Hieronymous Merkin or Greaser's Palace. This was Roger Corman's last film for American International Pictures (he objected strongly to the editing they performed on the film - director's cut, anyone?) and it appears to be a typical Corman effort to try and freak out the squares. Similar to Wild in the Streets (which played at B-Fest 2001), Gas-s-s-s! is a story in which the young dominate the world. This time a deadly nerve gas is released upon the world which kills anyone over the age of 25. (Consequently, no one on the planet may rent a car.) From there it becomes a sort of road movie, focussing on a small group of wandering hippies who escape Dallas, TX (which they probably should have done in the first place) to search for a desert commune where the world's peaceful survivors congregate. Bud Cort, Talia Shire, Cindy Williams, and Ben Vereen are here, mostly in smaller roles, but the principal actors are people I don't recognize. A band called "Country Joe and the Fish" (you may remember them from Zachariah) provides the soundtrack, which can't be good. In Zachariah they got naked - hopefully that won't happen here, but if it does it can only add to the legend of B-Fest.

Recommended snack food: brownies - "special ingredients" optional.

Tromeo and Juliet: fortunately, this plays in the Dead Zone (aka the Doldrums), right about when I'll be ready for a nap. Much as I respect Lloyd Kaufman as an entrepreneur and character, I'm not fond of most of his movies. There's something about the Troma attitude of trying to make a bad movie that rubs me the wrong way. I think calling this an obnoxious modernized version of the Shakespeare play is not too far from the mark. There's a fair bit of nudity though, so it fits with the B-Fest tradition of a blue movie in the wee hours.

Recommended snack food: crayons. Like Troma movies they're colorful and non-toxic, but not particularly tasty or nutritious.

Next entry: Attack of the '80s!

Cult Movies Podcast #12

After a few disastrous attempts to record this episode, we finally get it right and Chris "Icrywolf" Magyar joins us in the virtual studio.

In this episode:

• Chris Magyar returns to the podcast for his 3rd/1st episode to talk about moviegoing in Australia
• A preview of the movies to be shown at B-Fest 2006
• Chris H explains the problem with Kate Beckinsale
• The movie "Snuff" and the "history" of snuff films
• The cultural significance of William Shatner's kidney stone

Listen to the Cult Movies Podcast Episode 12 now!

B-Fest 2006 Primer, Part 1

That magical event known as B-Fest is just around the corner, and while most folks write diaries after the fact, I figured I'd have some fun previewing the films in this year's lineup. There's been a bit of disappointment among some of the "hard core" B-Festers about the fact that the films are skewing towards the newer and newer. I've gone on about the reasons for this elsewhere, but suffice it to say that B-Fest is a celluloid-only event, and the film prints of older movies are becoming scarce. Until B-Fest embraces video projection (which, according to some folks at A&O Productions, may not be that far off), we going to be learning to love the 80's a little bit more in our annual festival of cinematic cheese.

Though I too adore the Golden Age of science fiction that was the '50s and '60s, I find that the more modern lineup means that there are fewer of the films at this year's B-Fest that I've actually seen. When those movies were actually coming out, I was more likely to be found watching Elvira's Movie Macabre or Spectreman on UHF TV than in the movie theater. (Go ahead, ask me about The Godsend, but it wasn't until the 21st Century that I actually sat through Pretty in Pink.) So now I have the added bonus of watching a nice handful of movies for the first time at B-Fest, which is always a treat.

And speaking of treats, let's match each movie up with its ideal B-Fest snack food -- just for kicks.

Creature from the Black Lagoon in 3-D: That's right, people -- three-effin'-dee, with cardboard glasses and everything. I loved the snapshots that came out of the last B-Fest with a 3-D screening (I'm pretty sure that was B-Fest 2000), and I'm looking forward to this one too. Creature itself is not what you'd call bad by B-Fest standards, but it definitely fits with the original mold of a "Science Fiction, Horror, and B-Movie Festival." It's doubly appropriate in light of the fact that Universal has announced that this summer they'll be shooting a remake. (Insert bitching and moaning from Universal horror buffs here.) If you've never seen Creature before, you're in for a treat -- not only is it a technically ambitious film for its time, but it's also full of charming dialogue ("We didn't come here to fight monsters, we're not equipped for it!") and, under the right circumstances, even the occasional moment of genuine fright.

Recommended snack food: watching a 3-D movie with cardboard glasses demands a bucket of popcorn to complete the experience.

Earth Girls are Easy: This is the first of several cheesy '80s musicals we'll see this year. It's an energetic palate-cleanser of a flick, replete with the things that make B-Festers howl: nascent celebs (Geena Davis, Julie Brown, Jim Carrey, Damon Wayans, and Jeff Goldblum), primary-colored costumes, lavish musical numbers, and the airiest of love triangle plots, all slopped together by the director of such music videos as "Come On, Eileen." If you can't have fun smacking this movie around, B-Fest is wasted on you. Surrender your ticket now.

Recommended snack food: Jello Pudding Pops, Screaming Yellow Zonkers, Fruit Roll-Ups.

Mystery Short: You never know what will be dredged up in the mystery short slots. (Hence the mystery.) Will it be that fan-favorite baroque dwarf cage match known as Gavotte? Something with talking animals? Your great-grandfather's idea of pornography? One thing's for sure: the much-loved and long-despised What is Communism? seems to be lost to the ages.

King Kong (1933): This year's most controversial entry in that King Kong is hardly a bad movie. As with Creature From the Black Lagoon, however, it is in keeping with the Fest's original mission. And honestly, with Peter Jackson's remake just out, are you really going to complain about the chance to see this on the big screen?

The plot? Oh come on, really? All right - cavalier movie producer Carl Denham (Robert Armstrong) drags lovely Ann Darrow (Fay Wray) to a remote jungle island to make a nature adventure flick, but they both get more than they expected when it turns out the island is home to a giant ape named Kong. Kong doesn't fare so well either.

Recommended snack food: Gorilla bread.

The Wizard of Speed and Time: Just to clarify, this B-Fest tradition involves the short musical film by Mike Jittlov, not the feature-length film of the same name by the same director. Parts of the short film can be seen in the longer movie, but the short in its entirety with hordes of stomping apprentice Wizards can only be seen at B-Fest!

Plan 9 From Outer Space: The classic Ed Wood opus with vampires, aliens, and zombies. (Oh my!) Despite the chronic billing of Plan 9 as the worst movie ever made, this is actually Wood's best and most entertaining picture. Audience participation features at B-Fest include the raging debate over wicker vs. rattan, spot the not-Bela, and the hurling of paper plates into the eye of someone across the theater. No Chinette, please.

Recommended snack food: Chee-tos on a paper plate.

In the next entry: the Queen of Blaxploitation, Roger Corman's last AIP film, and Troma does the Bard.

B-Fest 2006 primer - coming up

I'll be doing some pre-B-Fest capsules of the movies in the lineup this year, so if you're going and you don't want to be spoiled about the movies that are showing, you should probably stay away from this blog for the next 9 days. OK, you've been warned.

Brangelina to give birth!

OK, I don't usually post gossip of quite this type here, but one line in an article about Brad Pitt knocking up Angelina Jolie (and Pitt's ex-girlfriend Jennifer Aniston's potential reaction to the news) made me smile.

Aniston supporters have already started calling Jolie the Womb Raider.

Read the entire goofy who-cares article here.

Cult Movies Podcast #11

In this episode we preview the 2006 docket of big "cult" movies headed for theaters, a list that is by no means inclusive but entertaining nonetheless. Joining us in the virtual studio: guest film nerd Freeman "Dr. Freex" Williams and Cineschlocker Noel Gross, who graciously shares his fondest memories of writing Cineschlock-o-Rama. This one weighs in at a hefty hour and twenty minutes (clear some space on your iPod), but I think it's one of the best eps to date.

Download the Cult Movies Podcast #11.

B-Fest 2006 lineup now available

It's up now, and it's just one of the reasons I've been quiet for a few days. More to come.

Prominent b-movie journalists bow out

Within a couple of days of one another, Noel Gross and Marty Baumann, of CineSchlock-o-Rama and The Amazing B-Monster, respectively, have announced that they will retire from their online ventures to concentrate on other work. It's a blow to the community, as they were both at the top of their class. I'm going to miss their contributions to the ongoing discussion of fringe cinema on the web.

January is Hayao Miyazaki Month at Turner Classic Movies

Turner Classic Movies (TCM) is turning its January spotlight on one of Japan's most celebrated filmmakers, Oscar®-winning animator Hayao Miyazaki, often called the Walt Disney of Japan. Each Thursday in January, TCM will present classic Miyazaki animation, each film presented first in its English-dubbed format, with an encore presented with the original Japanese-language track. The festival kicks off Thursday, Jan. 5, Miyazaki-san's 65th birthday, with the movie that earned the esteemed director the Oscar® for Best Animated Film, Spirited Away (2002). TCM's telecast of each movie will be introduced by animation director John Lasseter (Toy Story), who directed the English-language track on Spirited Away.

Read the entire article about TCM's Miyazaki-fest.