B-Fest 2006 Primer, part 3
The B-Fest lineup has been updated to reflect some schedule shuffling and one replacement. Two films have been moved to slots much earlier in the roster; they are Superman IV: The Quest for Peace and Godzilla (1998).
At B-Fest, the first flick of the evening is barely audible over the yelling of two-hundred-some movie geeks who have a year's worth of pent-up aggression to blow. Moving Superman IV to this slot is a good idea because, let's face it, no one cares about this movie. Christopher Reeve himself came up with the story for Superman's final film outing with Reeve in the role, wrapping a blatant nuclear disarmament message in a cut-rate superhero adventure. Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman) and Lois Lane (Margot Kidder) return, but there's precious little that can be done to save this turd of a movie. It's a pathetic finale to a once-great film franchise. So even if you've never seen Superman IV before you can enjoy the yelling, because you're not missing a thing.
Also moving up in the roster is the much-despised 1998 American version of Godzilla. Whether you know him as GINO (Godzilla in Name Only), Tri-starZilla, or that Bastard Creation by the Guys Who Made Independence Day, the monster in this movie was the source of much controversy in his day and remains such. I still enjoy portions of this film -- some of the action sequences are terrific, though the romantic plot and "humor" are detestable. Standout performances from Jean Reno and Hank Azaria aside, it was only a matter of time before this film landed at B-Fest. Godzilla was switched with King Kong, which will close the Fest on a high note.
Jumping back to where we left off in the last primer entry, Tromeo and Juliet wraps up around 6:30 in the morning, which means it's time for a short film for those folks still awake. I'm hoping for something super-weird that a portion of the audience will sleep through so we can tease them about missing it the next day.
Graffiti Bridge kicks off a modern musical block of three movies which may well crush the souls of those who prefer their b-movies in the black-and-white "golden age of sci-fi" vein. Graffiti Bridge is the Prince-starring, Prince-written, Prince-directed, Prince-scored sequel to Purple Rain that may prove the snapping point for some attendees. With Kim Basinger out of the picture (her personal relationship with Prince ended before filming began) and Madonna unwilling to fill in, one-role wonder Ingrid Chavez appears to play the muse to a pair of warring club owners (the Kid and Morris, as in Purple Rain). It feels stupid that I even have to mention this, but the movie ends with a battle of the bands.
Earth Girls Are Easy, which we covered in an earlier entry, has been moved to the slot after Graffiti Bridge.
Rounding out the modern musical triple-threat is Rhinestone, a version of Pygmalion set in the country music arena. Dolly Parton is the Henry Higgins to Sly Stallone's Eliza Doolittle; Parton must convert Stallone (seen here in obnoxious NYC cabbie mode) into an authentic country singer to win a bet. This is the first of two Bob Clark movies at B-Fest this year -- you may remember Clark's Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things or the classic A Christmas Story. Rhinestone is considered by some to be the beginning of the end of Clark's career, but I prefer to think that Clark still has good work ahead of him. (Perhaps with his remake of Children, due later this year.)
Rhinestone ends after noon, which means we're into the home stretch. All that remains between us and sweet oblivion are three little films . . . .
Cobra Woman is a last-minute substitute for Queen of Outer Space, and though it would have been nice to get another vintage sci-fi flick in here somewhere, I am really looking forward to Cobra Woman, which is unavailable on video. The Village Voice describes it this way: "Although not a musical, Cobra Woman functions as one, boasting Naja's orgiastic undulating cobra dance and the mellifluous ring of [Maria] Montez's thickly accented line delivery." If that's not enough for you, there's an angry volcano god, perennial second-banana actor Sabu (of Jungle Hell fame), and Lon Chaney Jr. With all this, Cobra Woman may well be the sleeper hit of this year's fest -- and I didn't even mention the sewing chimpanzee.
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2: This is the second Bob Clark film in the roster, and it is a perfect B-Fest entry. If you can't find humor in talking babies accompanied by Jon Voight and Scott Baio, I must once again ask you to turn in your B-Fest ticket. Let's add the vocal stylings of boy-band "O-Town" just for fun, shall we? This B-Fest may well become known as the Day the Music Died.
B-Fest wraps up with King Kong, moved from its earlier slot into a place of more prominence. The B-Fest finale has traditionally been a giant monster movie -- ideally a Godzilla movie (GINO doesn't count, apparently), but as Godzilla prints become scarce, other monsters must do. Somehow I don't think the Big G will mind that King Kong is filling in.
It's two days before B-Fest, and I've got packing to do. I'll see you in the aisles.
At B-Fest, the first flick of the evening is barely audible over the yelling of two-hundred-some movie geeks who have a year's worth of pent-up aggression to blow. Moving Superman IV to this slot is a good idea because, let's face it, no one cares about this movie. Christopher Reeve himself came up with the story for Superman's final film outing with Reeve in the role, wrapping a blatant nuclear disarmament message in a cut-rate superhero adventure. Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman) and Lois Lane (Margot Kidder) return, but there's precious little that can be done to save this turd of a movie. It's a pathetic finale to a once-great film franchise. So even if you've never seen Superman IV before you can enjoy the yelling, because you're not missing a thing.Also moving up in the roster is the much-despised 1998 American version of Godzilla. Whether you know him as GINO (Godzilla in Name Only), Tri-starZilla, or that Bastard Creation by the Guys Who Made Independence Day, the monster in this movie was the source of much controversy in his day and remains such. I still enjoy portions of this film -- some of the action sequences are terrific, though the romantic plot and "humor" are detestable. Standout performances from Jean Reno and Hank Azaria aside, it was only a matter of time before this film landed at B-Fest. Godzilla was switched with King Kong, which will close the Fest on a high note.
Jumping back to where we left off in the last primer entry, Tromeo and Juliet wraps up around 6:30 in the morning, which means it's time for a short film for those folks still awake. I'm hoping for something super-weird that a portion of the audience will sleep through so we can tease them about missing it the next day.
Graffiti Bridge kicks off a modern musical block of three movies which may well crush the souls of those who prefer their b-movies in the black-and-white "golden age of sci-fi" vein. Graffiti Bridge is the Prince-starring, Prince-written, Prince-directed, Prince-scored sequel to Purple Rain that may prove the snapping point for some attendees. With Kim Basinger out of the picture (her personal relationship with Prince ended before filming began) and Madonna unwilling to fill in, one-role wonder Ingrid Chavez appears to play the muse to a pair of warring club owners (the Kid and Morris, as in Purple Rain). It feels stupid that I even have to mention this, but the movie ends with a battle of the bands.Earth Girls Are Easy, which we covered in an earlier entry, has been moved to the slot after Graffiti Bridge.
Rounding out the modern musical triple-threat is Rhinestone, a version of Pygmalion set in the country music arena. Dolly Parton is the Henry Higgins to Sly Stallone's Eliza Doolittle; Parton must convert Stallone (seen here in obnoxious NYC cabbie mode) into an authentic country singer to win a bet. This is the first of two Bob Clark movies at B-Fest this year -- you may remember Clark's Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things or the classic A Christmas Story. Rhinestone is considered by some to be the beginning of the end of Clark's career, but I prefer to think that Clark still has good work ahead of him. (Perhaps with his remake of Children, due later this year.)Rhinestone ends after noon, which means we're into the home stretch. All that remains between us and sweet oblivion are three little films . . . .
Cobra Woman is a last-minute substitute for Queen of Outer Space, and though it would have been nice to get another vintage sci-fi flick in here somewhere, I am really looking forward to Cobra Woman, which is unavailable on video. The Village Voice describes it this way: "Although not a musical, Cobra Woman functions as one, boasting Naja's orgiastic undulating cobra dance and the mellifluous ring of [Maria] Montez's thickly accented line delivery." If that's not enough for you, there's an angry volcano god, perennial second-banana actor Sabu (of Jungle Hell fame), and Lon Chaney Jr. With all this, Cobra Woman may well be the sleeper hit of this year's fest -- and I didn't even mention the sewing chimpanzee.
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2: This is the second Bob Clark film in the roster, and it is a perfect B-Fest entry. If you can't find humor in talking babies accompanied by Jon Voight and Scott Baio, I must once again ask you to turn in your B-Fest ticket. Let's add the vocal stylings of boy-band "O-Town" just for fun, shall we? This B-Fest may well become known as the Day the Music Died.B-Fest wraps up with King Kong, moved from its earlier slot into a place of more prominence. The B-Fest finale has traditionally been a giant monster movie -- ideally a Godzilla movie (GINO doesn't count, apparently), but as Godzilla prints become scarce, other monsters must do. Somehow I don't think the Big G will mind that King Kong is filling in.
It's two days before B-Fest, and I've got packing to do. I'll see you in the aisles.
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